Jesus lives inside of me.
The bench in the front of the church was my goal.
I wished I was already there. The snickers and giggling next to me and down our pew were intimidating and causing me stress.
My face was red. I could feel it burning up, from nervousness.
All I had to do was act cool and remain in my seat like my peers, but I knew I couldn’t. I felt like I had to stand and go forward. I was being called.
This was supernatural. My heart was pounding. I knew that I needed Jesus in my life immediately.
I was at a Vacation Bible School. I was ten, and I was holding back tears. I would never allow myself to cry in front of anyone. I didn’t want to. Why was it happening? I tried to control it, but once I started walking, the tears flowed.
I felt such relief looking into the pastors’ face, and telling him that I wanted Jesus to come into my heart.
I felt victorious. I had done what I was supposed to do and I was not ashamed.
I had surrendered to God’s call.
I didn’t let peer pressure get to me. I felt changed. And I was.
“That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” Romans 10:9-10
Faith comes from God. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2: 8-10)
As soon as I got home that day I excitedly shared this with my mom. I was smiling at her, and she was not smiling back.
I was confused, she was upset. She was upset at me for, “buying into emotions.” She told me that I was already saved.
I asked her, “When? Why don’t I remember?”
She said she didn’t know for sure, but she thought I accepted Jesus at age 3, then again, at 6 or 7. This was after she converted to Protestantism from Catholicism.
Then, I faintly remembered an incident at one of the churches we visited, as my mom was looking for the right church for us. It was in a small dark room, with a Sunday school teacher, and two other kids. I didn’t really understand what I was doing. I was handed a booklet after I repeated a prayer, and congratulated.
My mom had just told me that I had been misled. Confusion and sorrow overtook the joyful exuberance that I‘d felt since surrendering my life to Jesus
.
I had forgotten that I’d done it before, because this was an experience. I was let down- discouraged that my mom wasn’t proud of my decision. I decided then that I wouldn’t be so easily swayed and expose my feelings.
The pastor of the church asked me into his office the next day. He asked me if something was wrong. I told him about my mom's reaction.
I was surprised to see him at our door that afternoon. He talked to my mom privately. After he left she apologized to me.
She told me that she had misunderstood. She was merely being cautious of other churches, as there were many denominations, and she was in the process of figuring out which church was truly Bible based.
Jesus has been with me since that day- living inside of me, and He will never leave me.
“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” (Deut.31:6, Joshua 1:5b, Hebrews 13:5b).
It has been thirty-one years since that day and for the past ten years I have been privileged to be involved in my church’s Vacation Bible School.
It is such a rewarding time teaching precious children and witnessing changed lives, as some come to accept Jesus as their Savior. It is a big party-like atmosphere, and the adults and teens involved prepare themselves with lots of prayer and planning so that things go smoothly.
My pastor calls it Very Big Deal (VBS). When a soul is saved it is the biggest thing ever.
The most important thing in life.
It is a matter of life or death.
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